if you break


I will break with you


Crimson blood


will drip


from our veins




will burn


on both our bodies


open wounds


will cry


in unison


Black tears


will stain


pale skin and gold


every scream


every scar


every death


I will hold your hand


as we drown


I will hold your hand


and never let you die alone.



17 thoughts on “Breaking

  1. I m m e n s e

    Immeasurable blessings to You
    Who has so much to give
    May your life always be Divinely Protected
    and full of tremendous, healing, fulfilled, long-lasting

    • (OK, Leon here; this was by far not enough. In fact, I feel it was even worse than nothing, Lily! I am glad you have not thanked me for this. Sometimes we need to be exchanging more than a couple of lines, but out of sheer panic and desperation on my part, because as a fellow poet and a soul brother of yours I need you to be safe and happy, I seem to have achieved the opposite, to have failed you in honouring our intertwined life-paths. I humbly ask for your forgiveness and promise you I will continue fighting here with you. There are so many people sinking to the abyss so easily here in the blogosphere, and our fragile hearts seem to be in each other’s keeping. We have to be very careful and responsible, because ours is the power to be saving or destroying each other, gods and goddesses in the making as we all are. You will see what I mean. Expect me here again in a couple of hours; I have some beautiful things to finish preparing and coordinating for you. Thank you for your trust.)

  2. This is me writing in a comment:

    Nice! Bravo! Amazing, Poetic Me! Why don’t I just DISAPPEAR from the face of the Earth if I am to be intimidating brilliant, loving people like this?
    “I am humbled” says Holly above, and now here comes a brother I have offended with my soaring nothingness. This is not some kind of pseudo-modesty! I cannot describe how devastated I am right now!

    Whocouldknowthen, my beloved brother!

    [He uses no other name in his blog; in this respect, he is even more invisible than we are, Lily. This brother of ours who lives in Chicago is a true mystic like you and me, and he has been living with fear nearly all his life, the child of a very difficult divorce. “Magician of Details”, this is how I call him; I am giving you a specific link at the end of this. You and him are the only two people –you were first– to whom I have addressed the heartfelt compliment “You touch my soul with each one of your poems” in this exact phrasing, and this is so amazing you know, because I was not realizing the connection with you as I was writing it for him: I was mainly listening to the music the first time, without paying attention to the video; again, you will see in a while; patience is a virtue. Also, look at his Gravatar-profile text, and notice especially his “fairest of warnings”: “whocouldknowthen – a partner, a father, an ex-painter turned storyteller, a collector of small details that would otherwise go unnoticed, dipping a tentative toe into poetry… now of course i have to write about love, which i do, but a fairest of warnings friends if you haven’t already noticed, i have a well of melancholy a mile deep……” My dearest Lily, we are certainly not alone. I close the bracket at last. Please read from “Nice!” again, and then below.]

    I have just started exploring your blog. I see you; I feel you; I honor and love your wonderfully artistic spirit and your suffering human soul. I have always been and I am still going through so much unspeakable pain in my life, that writing is really the only contract that binds me to living. Please read my latest post and you will understand our struggles with Plutonia and why all these incredibly beautiful comments are still unanswered there. I will reply, though; to each and every one of my fellow bloggers. Greece is dying and so am I [Easy, Lily, I’m here!], and the only reason I am still sparking out love from these ruins is people like Holly and You, my fellow expressions of the Divine. Namaste, my Beloved Brother. Leon

    Lily, the explosion of gratitude I had left in Holly’s blog was so legendarily exuberant, that our Magician of Details had to be watching a truly beautiful comment of his passing so completely unnoticed by her, that he got really hurt and asked her to erase it, along with the one asking her to do it. And he was not answering to my above comment, so I wrote another one with my stubborn love:

    Dearest Brother,
    Please allow me to explain to you that I had already written my comment in a Word document, I had it copied and ready to be pasted when I read the comments under Holly’s poem and found out how you loved her leaf meditation, too. I did flinch for a moment, but I posted it anyway, without brooding too much over your feelings or visiting your blog first. I have always felt like a warrior poet, this is why I clicked with our Bardic Amazon sister here, but I have also been mercilessly scorned for who I am and afraid to speak all my life. And now I opened my heart to my first Scorpio sister ever [Lily, this makes her second if you are Scorpionic, too, as I suspect, but I also sense a lot of Piscean energy in you], who commented in our bilingual blog first, and for a moment I made someone else feel so insignificant that it ruined my day. I humbly apologize and I embrace you with love and gratitude for your artistic, poetic, precious human soul. I wish all the very best for you and your family, my brother.

    And he finally responded:

    Leon, Warrior Poet, please do not let my or any mistake keep you from speaking your words now or ever. As another truth surfaces, that every little thing we do and say causes ripples across the Universe, let me quote Rumi for us all… ‘The wound is the place where the Light enters you.’
    Namaste, brother poet,
    May Love and Light fill your day, always.

    My Beloved Brother,
    I dearly appreciate your loving reply.
    Thank you for embracing my warrior side, while at the same time recognizing my lifelong painful shyness which is much more difficult for people to see in me; hence the “merciless scorn” when they find out I am not all that fierce. I have crashed and burned so many times in my life, without ever having known any sort of worldly success, that I find it impossible to tolerate anyone, and least of all myself, trampling on other peoples’ feelings. You have made no mistake at all. Abundant Light has entered me through my wounds these last few days, and our brotherhood is a divine gift for me.
    I warmly embrace you and pray for immeasurable joy in your life.
    Namaste, my poet brother. Leon

    * * *

    Nice clear skies at last and lots of love!
    Our full exchanges between the Magician of Details and Holly and myself are under this poem: The comments are incredibly jumbled up, and charmingly so, but you have to be noticing the times for the correct sequence. And here is the poem I inspired Holly to write with my bombastic comment: The comments contain more information about Plutonia and myself.

    And I am finally coming to this song I want to dedicate to you, Lily.

    Please read our brother’s so beautiful “over the wall” poem, and our exchange of comments down below in this page, after you finish reading this. Our Magician of Details and You and I and so many sensitive and fragile people here, are all together in this Universe in a wonderful kaleidoscopic way. We have no less than a Stubborn Love, and we are all Lumineers, “Bringers of Light”, this is what this folk rock band’s name means.

    It’s better to feel pain, than nothing at all
    The opposite of love’s indifference
    So keep your head up, keep your love
    Keep your head up, my love
    Keep your head up, keep your love
    Head up, love

    Please watch the incredible video in his page I give you above.

    This little girl makes the tears stream down my face;

    she reminds me of a certain “freak who never talks and has no friends”.

    I want you to be as happy as this girl at the end of the video.

    And please feel free to email me anytime.

  3. Thank you, Lily, for changing your settings to keep my “comment” under moderation. I respect you so very much and would not want to scare away your readers. And if the visibility of the previous two comments is too embarrassing for you (it is for me, too, but I had not other way of connecting with you personally), please by all means unapprove them.

    I have not told anyone about this, not the Magician of Details, not Holly Emberhawk, no one except my Plutonia, who knows and trusts her responsibly schmaltzy guy very much. If at any point you stop feeling comfortable with this energy exchange from halfway around our planet, feel free to unfollow me, let me know and I will do the same without a moment’s hesitation.

    I do not even know how much we can really support each other, if at all, and I will never play super-wise mentor with you or with anyone else. I am just a tortured soul like yourself, and a being of Light at the same time. But I do know this: we already have a connection. I know how you feel. I do “listen to this heartbeat of a distant soul”. I believe our connection is a wonderful gift we have been given, and I would like us to open our hearts to each other, so we can move on with our lives, whether we can continue supporting each other or not. “It’s better to feel pain, than nothing at all” say the Lumineers, but it’s even better to feel love than pain, if we do not want to stay all blocked up and disgusted with the fakeness of this world.

    You will tell me how you feel after you have processed all this, in your own time, there is no need to hurry at all, and only if you feel like it. I will not pressure you in any sort of way or send you anything else. I do not even know if you have an email account of your own. I only want us to find balance and meaning in our lives and I do believe we are in each other’s life for a reason.

    In case I do not hear from you again, I will keep praying for protection, strength and love for you through our angels, not intervening with my energy in any human way.

    Take care, my dearest Lily.

    • All your comments are very much appreciated. It never crossed my mind to unfollow you, especially after learning more about you and discovering our similarities. Although it is always somewhat eerie to form a connection with someone that is located halfway around the planet it is also a very beautiful opportunity and I don’t mind any advice you may have for me; any support, no matter where it comes from, is a treasure.

      All the poems you shared with me glow with their own profound magic and I am deeply grateful that you shared them with me. I love the otherworldly images “The Fingers of Bees” paint and the feeling of golden hope “The Songbird’s Call” and “Over the Wall” emit.

      Throughout the past weeks I have continuously been entranced by the lyrics of “Stubborn Love” by the Lumineers and it is nice to imagine that somewhere in the world you are listening to them too. Souls swaying to the same music.

      It will take me a while to process all the words you shared with me in your last few comments. I have been feeling rather under the weather lately, as I have been suffering from insomnia and a pending fever.

      I cannot thank you enough for reading my poetry and leaving such supportive, heart-warming comments that I am not sure I deserve.


      • I am so grateful for your appreciation. An amazing synchronicity, our entrancement with the Lumineers and with everything else. I am still pinching myself, and I wouldn’t mind if you were halfway around the universe. We are kin.
        Let us rest and recover now until we can share again. I have been suffering from insomnia and headaches for weeks now myself.
        You have already thanked me more than enough. I adore your modesty, and you deserve so much more than you know.
        All will be well.

  4. I hope you are already feeling rested and refreshed. Here is something which I believe will further uplift you.
    Scientist and philosopher Gregg Braden has been popularizing for more than twenty years now the science behind what we have been experiencing recently. He is a soothingly sparkling person and I think what you are going to see will make a lot of sense to you, too, and help us slowly lift all the needless eeriness. We are part of something grand here, an awakening to an ancient cosmic truth which is actually transforming our physical reality all over the world. Lisa TheMayanManifestor who uploaded the video and has thrown in some powerful little comments throughout the presentation, has done an excellent job of editing and compressing a day-long conference of Gregg’s. Read her little description below the video before watching.
    There is no hurry at all, you do not need to reply, just take your time to absorb this information and to remember what we already know.
    Gratitude and Appreciation,

    • Leon,
      Thank you for sharing Gregg’s video with me. I have just begun watching it and I am already deeply moved by his words. The story about the two baby girls is an incredible example of how powerful human emotion can be, almost like we are truly capable of a type of magic. His words catalyze a new feeling of hope and worthiness because he shows us that we are not merely specks of dust floating in a hostile universe, not merely observers, but contributors, co-creators of the universe.
      Thank you again,

      • Lily,
        You are very welcome.
        After another horrible day for us here, you are a bright ray of hope and so much appreciated.
        I thank you for resonating with this powerful ancient knowledge. Yes, indeed, we are co-creators of the universe. This is exactly why they oppress us in so many ways, poisoning our bodies, our minds and our hearts, destroying whole countries through the economy, keeping us down before they leave us drained to die silently: they do not want us to be realizing and helping others be realizing our true nature, which is nothing less than Divinity, Divine Love that is, nothing to do with their distorted religions. They do not want us to be reconnecting with our Higher Selves and with each other, because then we see how useless and destructive they are for us. When we respectfully connect through our hearts, we are never alone and we never despair and we never get sick or need their system or their medicine or their institutions which only create a vicious circle of endless despair and disease.
        We are here to stop this and we have already begun. Not with hatred against them, which only gives them more power over us, but with love for ourselves and for each other.
        Our whole planet is in a very critical and challenging crossroads, I have to tell you, as four other planets (gods, actually; each planet is a living being, and it’s no accident that they carry the names of mythological gods) are moving towards forming a very rare Cardinal Grand Cross in our solar system as we speak: two pairs of planets will be opposing each other forming a heavenly cross, conversing with each other in a powerful event whose influence will last for years; it has already started a few years ago and it is culminating in about a week. I will attempt drawing a little attention to this through an upcoming poem of mine, although it is difficult and I am no expert at all, neither in poetry (it is true; I am not saying this to elicit any compliments, although you cannot imagine what a life saver you are with your appreciating my speaking from the heart) nor in astronomy/astrology. Astronomy and astrology were one in ancient times, one coherent science studying the heavenly bodies and their influence on our lives, but they are separated now like those two baby girls in the video (you will love this one, too, from the same conference:, so that we get immersed in the illusion of mundaneness and insignificance. Have you watched Gregg revealing for just how many centuries our bodies are truly programmed to be functioning in perfect condition? Mind-blowing, isn’t it! And why the first hundred years are the hardest?
        You are keeping my flame alive, Lily. I have done most of the writing here, but as James Keller said, “A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.”
        Thank you,

      • Dear Leon,
        Our knowledge is so unbelievable fragmented, distorted even. There is so much knowledge that knowledge once known is now lost, hidden, concealed in a mass of tangled misinterpretations, twisted viewpoints, exploitation. We are lost inside this vast realm of knowledge, this realm of information that is constantly changing. We are moving so fast in so many different directions that we are blind to whether we are really moving forward or in fact we are only under the illusion of moving forward.

        Feeling. The power of feeling is often forgotten. Somewhere floating in the background of knowledge, technology, and the illusion of moving forward. Still there, but widely underestimated. I had forgotten about this power each one of us holds inside ourselves until you shared your words and videos with me. I agree we are being oppressed. Our minds poisoned. Our countries destroyed. And the only way to heal from this relentless destruction is through feeling. Through connection. Through love. But of course this is a challenge, a sometimes even impossible seeming challenge, because everywhere, every second there are people drowning and sometimes we are drowning too. We forget to love and that we are loved because all around us a misery breaths. A misery that they feed, so it may grew and consume.

        I am looking forward for this poem of yours, I am sure I will enjoy it, your words are always welcome to me. (Don’t worry I know you are not trying to elicit any compliments.) And I hope that tomorrow your day will be bright or at least not quite as horrible as today.

        As always thank you for sharing your words,

  5. Dear Lily,
    Thank you for taking all this precious time to watch the videos, for remembering and agreeing with me on these truths without being intimidated by the consequences such an awareness entails. When people awaken, we become targets, it has always been this way, but let us not be afraid. This exchange is being scrolled to the sky like the most potent of prayers, we are activating the light together, and our angels will be protecting our beams.
    Thank you for your sweet heart, for your innate wisdom, for your brilliantly intelligent mind. All of you shines through your poetry, and just as much through your prose and comments. I was so immersed in your sentences while wearing earphones and having an energizing song pounding on my eardrums to enhance this healing you offer me, that when I reached this “all around us a misery breathes” I almost jumped around expecting some Balrog to turn me to coal! Yes, I am laughing, too, with my jumpiness, but you have already experienced how I feel all kinds of threats that may not even be there, how I am capable of blaming myself to death and how easily I lose my footing when I sense, or think I sense, kindred souls despairing too much; which is rather hilarious given that I am enthralled even by the darkest of your themes and that I myself need to be releasing such emotions to be regaining my balance. This internal never-ending Leo-Scorpio conflict of mine… I am relieved to see that your creative expression has not only not been halted the least bit, but even empowered a bit. I enjoy your words very much.
    Your latest poems Shadows / Blue Dreams / Dancing in Black have shaken me (the symbology of your images, too; so poignant, that glowing reptilian eye; and you did just a breath-taking job with the dancers!) one after the other and all together as one, because all these three poems of yours combine unbelievably for me: “Soldiers drift” / “drowning cities” / “forgotten cities full of empty houses” together create an imagery which emits the atmosphere of the most persistent nightmares I have been seeing all my life from time to time. If you only add to this mixture the immense web of underground caves which have been leading me through our hollow Earth from one side of the planet to the other under continents and ocean beds (geologists, too, are paid to be lying to us), you get the whole picture of the gloom of my personal karma and of the threat of the global fascist state that has been haunting me from the first decade of my life onwards, starting in the seventies while hallucinating in bed with high fevers.
    Plutonia has chased away most of my night-time demons during our almost twenty-year life together now and I have done the same for her, but she is even more open to the dark realms of the spirit world, not having my kind of Jupiterian protection in the twelfth house, but instead her natal Moon and her Pluto there (hence also the hellish relationship with her mother); for just a peek into your sisterhood with her, please read these two short texts: and I have similar stellar placements, as you no doubt have too, but I do not know if we can give you any personal insights through astrology yet, especially if you are underage and we need some permission to be given your date and exact time of birth (information too revealing to be viewed publicly) which is all that is needed to create your natal astrology chart, the map of your soul’s purpose. We are not professional astrologers (so we will never charge you, of course), but thanks to the Internet we do have gained a significant amount of practice and we will do our best as dear friends of yours, if and when the time comes. Plutonia is more experienced and intuitive than I am, just not very openly emotional, and this is why she gets along better with men, while I get along better with women; I generally have more empathy for you than for my own “species”, or for what has become of it.
    I do believe, though, that more and more of my fellow guys of all ages are awakening, and I cannot pray too much for such a strong and supportive partnership in your life, Lily. Maybe this is part of why we met. I am not on some kind of mission, mind you, and I despise pushing beliefs on anyone, but somehow I do feel I am smoothing the way for someone special, preparing you to recognize the one who will adore you just the way you are and who will help you become all that you can be. I have every confidence in you that you are careful who you are opening your heart to. This energizing song I have looping while writing many parts of this reply, which you will recognize as the second song under a certain Ode of mine, he may be already singing it for you somewhere under your local sky, with the pages of his life aching for your words.
    Take good care of yourself.
    Cherishing you,

    • Dear Leon,
      It is I who should be thanking you, for the new insight you bring me with every one of your comments, videos, and links. I would never have crossed upon them on my own and would probably still be stumbling blindly around the boundaries of my own darkness. You have showed me that there is still so much that I am not aware of, entire realms of hidden knowledge and forgotten wisdom drifting almost unseen on the outskirts of general information. I would much rather live as a target with the consequences of the truth, than in oblivion.

      Your words are so beautiful and your knowledge so vast that your compliments stun me. I am glad we are able to communicate online where we are allowed to mull over our answers otherwise I would be suffering from a severe case of wordlessness. For someone like me the Internet is a blessing, because I am agonizingly shy in the real world. Already you are much more than a gauzy personality that passes by, leaving only a few words, before disappearing again. I can imagine you typing somewhere on your laptop and taking a precautionary glance over your shoulder to make sure that there is no Balrog waiting to pounce on you (whatever a Balrog may be). I know the feeling all too well. The world is full of shadows.

      As you sensed I do resemble Plutonia, at least from what I can infer from reading the links you shared with me. It was almost unnerving how accurately the text resonates with me; my need for refuge from the outside world and the overwhelming hopelessness and isolation that will mercilessly tear me into one of those persistent nightmares you mentioned.

      Thank you for the optimistic insight into my future. I can only pray that your words hold truth, because as you guessed it is difficult for me to open my heart up to anyone and I am often, if not always a little too careful.

      I appreciate every second you take to read my words and write your comments.

      Danke für jede Sekunde von diene wertvollern Zeit,

      • Marlene Gutschmidt, meine beliebteste Schwester!

        Ich habe noch viele, viele Sekunden für Dich!

        And I have to explain to you the meaning of “life saver”, for this is what you are for me. I have already started, but I do not know how soon I will have all the quiet time I need, because my in-laws will be giving us real hell soon, even though they are 150 miles away from us; a long, painful story I cannot burden you with. You have enough burdens yourself, which I am sure are very, very similar to ours in their essence.

        Please feel my love and pray back. I am always with you and I will be here again as soon as possible; you are my first priority.

        Take care, süßes Mädchen. I need you strong.

      • Leon,

        Es ist wunderbar schön wieder mal ein bisschen von miene Familien Sprache zu lesen! Noch was für was ich dir dankbar sein kann!

        (Ich habe schon bereits gesehen dass du deutsch sprachen kannst, aber ich habe mich nie getraut etwas zusagen weil mien schriftliches deutsch so katastrophal ist.)

        I hope you survive your encounter with the underworld,
        and as always thank you for your words,

      • Lily,
        Ich bin auch himmelhoch dankbar für dich!
        Herzlichsten Dank für deine Liebe und Unterstützung!

        Also sprechen kannst du fließend? Oder besser als schreiben? (Wenn du “katastrophal” sehen willst, and in English, too, maybe you should see me a bit real-time here without all my dictionaries.)

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