Change

IMG_0146A dark room,

hushed,

and airless,

a vacuous face,

blank,

featureless,

waiting

hunger to be painted with life,

puzzle pieces of color,

neon lights vibrant in dark city streets,

wide blue oceans,

golden suns and silver moons,

skies dense with swirls of dark purple,

and stormy greys,

rainbows trapped and rung dry,

every color,

every shade,

every hue,

seized,

captured,

imprisoned to paint a new face

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9 thoughts on “Change

  1. Dear Lily,

    Ich habe dir etwas versprochen. Hier ist eine ganze Menge von unzählbaren Sekunden speziell für Dich.

    Shall we warm ourselves up with something bilingual? There is a wonderful German/English song I would like to share with you. In a little while.

    So nice to have so many things in common in our spiritual family. Plutonia is half German and I am partly of German descent myself. Also du hast dich “nie getraut etwas zu sagen”? Thank you so much for opening up, I am so grateful, and you do not ever have to worry about any mistakes at all. Our imperfections only make us more human, and we are safe together, because we will never judge each other. I know how diligent you are in your writing. My heart rejoices with your every word. You cannot imagine just how much my own family first and then Plutonia’s family have been torturing me with and through German, what a psychological problem I have been having with this language all my life. I cannot speak it fluently to this day, despite my Germanistik-Studium and my experience as a translator.
    In a cold apartment somewhere in Northern Greece, January 5, 2014: SPARK!
    “’Marlene Gutschmidt’? Our first liker is called Marlene Gutschmidt? Hm. I cannot begin anything with Germans.”
    You are so precious to me on this level, too, Lily. Like an angel who has come to soothe my soul. If we are to survive this silent Greek genocide, we really need to move to Germany; I will give up my Greek citizenship as soon as possible, and your kindness is already helping me embrace this future and become a balanced, humanitarian German. Our lack of money is our major and seemingly insurmountable problem, so please send some loving thoughts of affluence this way, liebes Mädchen.

    So, about our bilingual song and the messages that have unfolded in me for you through this. I have adored this song since it was first released by Nena in the eighties, first only in German, then only in English, and at the end of this long paragraph is a fantastic duet with Nena and Kim Wilde which was released in 2003, when both singers were 43 years old, as I am today. I think you will appreciate some background information first, which applies to us both. You know I am no sort of expert or preacher, just a brother of yours who understands what you are going through and suffers with you and rejoices with you whenever your harsh tags disappear like during these last few days, so please listen to what I lovingly have to say here for our healing. I have always loved both these ladies, both goddesses of my tragic teenage years. Nena and Kim Wilde have different personalities and body types, but also a lot in common. You will see that Nena is quite thin even at this age, and beautifully so, but we need to know that she has always had a normal appetite and she has never tortured herself with calorie counting and diets like Plutonia and you and I have been torturing ourselves for the achievement of an unachievable perfection. This body weight is perfectly normal and natural for her, because she was born with the Sun on the beginning of the zodiac, on the first days of Aries; people born towards the end of March usually have a hyperactive thyroid gland and a turbo-charged metabolism which never allows them to gain weight, but this is far from enviable, because they can easily suffer from anaemia and many other medical conditions, so their life is not easy, either, but it is even more catastrophic for us to be trying to reach unreachable standards. I know how complex our problems are, with deep roots in our family histories, too, and factors that have to do with our spiritual evolution. I have suffered too much in my own body and against my body image. I have been absorbing so much toxicity in my family, that my childhood was wasted in bed, and then I hated my plump pre-teen self so much that I started denying food, melting my body for years under the hot Mediterranean sun with endless long-distance running and bike riding and weight training, all of this completely alone, with no friends, no coaches either but a few books and magazines, suffering injuries all the time, taking the smallest meals I could with unsalted water-boiled things, low carbs, no fat, no sugar, punishing myself with a complete absence of taste in order to become like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Sylvester Stallone in their prime, which was crazy and impossible because I was not eating a cow a day or taking any steroids or even those abominable buckets of body-building “nutrition” (which actually seemed like manna from heaven to me at the time; an ugly soul-trap, this world can be). After I found my equally tortured Plutonia, we both started healing like the two baby girls in Gregg Braden’s video, because we believed in a common future, albeit a completely unknown one because no one had ever taken care of us or loved us for who we were, but our personal struggles would not go away despite all our dedicated efforts of so many years. Then Greece became the center of the global debt crisis and our financially ridiculous career was immediately threatened, we felt the ground disappearing from under our feet, and all super-wise me could do to control my life was to control my body again and go against all its needs and desires. This was only three years ago. I stopped eating and drinking anything every other day for months, without any exercise because I had no strength left, and while I was often feeling really high and believing I was reaching enlightenment, Plutonia started losing me and she went the opposite direction by eating too much and disappearing in her Hades, being under many evil parental attacks and hard astrological influences herself, and although we never lost our love, we could not help each other at all, with me trying to convince her to stop overeating, and her trying to show me she could not stand seeing me shrivel away and stink like a dead thing and look at her with blank eyes. I finally understood that was no way to reach enlightenment, but only an early grave, and although nothing has improved in our external circumstances so far, although I am still a bit too thin and she a bit too round, we are recovering. How is that possible at all? Love, Lily. Faith. In our purpose in this life. This is how I started blogging with our only one and very old desktop computer (thank you so much for imagining me typing somewhere on my laptop, I know you are a powerful materializer, we could really use at least one laptop and so much more to start recovering from our poverty here, a recovery which can only come through the lottery now, so please focus on “Master Numbers For Leon”), and it is no accident that you and I have found each other through poetry. I do not want us to become dependent on each other and to be drowning each other if life is not treating us well; it scares me to death to think that I might cause you any sort of harm with my presence or absence instead of helping you, my young poetess, but I see that each of us is heroically responsible and I have strong faith that all will be well. I feel it is already working between us like this song describes (see the line above the link below, the one beginning with 1:56; “bits and pieces”, not the whole storm). This “Change” poem of yours shows me how ready you are to start celebrating life more than you ever have before. Unconditional love for ourselves is the only cure, this is how we can balance the chemistry of these mortal bodies we inhabit, the vehicles of our sacred souls. I am not suggesting that you should start stuffing yourself right now, I know very well how you feel and I embrace all stages of our growth. I am just asking you to look at Kim Wilde, who has always been curvier than Nena, and to trust me on this: no human male of any age in his right mind would ever think of labeling such a beautiful body as “fat” or “unattractive”. Curvaceous yes; an amazing, voluptuous female. Nena is more playful und wunderbar frech, Kim is deeply passionate and with a voice of velvet, both born in 1960, both extremely lovable ladies, and astrological cousins, too, because both their Sun signs, Aries and Scorpio respectively, are governed by the planet Mars; 0:50 “You don’t speak my dialect, but our images reflect”! Look at the enchanting chemistry between these two ladies, which has absolutely nothing indecent or vulgar in it. Our planet has become such a distorted place that all many people see in this video is two middle-aged gay chicks flirting with each other. Oh, Come On! I only see true love here; the most amazing feeling in all its forms.
    “If we belong to each other, we belong anyplace, anywhere, anytime” (people are not belongings, but this is a very healthy, uplifting song)
    0:58 “Drawn together by the flame / we are just the same / embrace the wind and fall into another time and space.”
    1:56 “Bits and pieces from your storm / rain upon me as they form / melt into my skin and I feel warm.”

    * * *

    I am also very relieved that you are not interested in any “real-time communication without dictionaries” which I mentioned in my last comment. I did not mean to challenge us at all, I was not testing us consciously, but it seems we have successfully passed another trial. Neither of us appreciates shallow mind games, we both feel extremely uncomfortable with small talk and meaningless blabber, we both feel so thankful to have found in each other a kindred soul who is not interested in killing time. And since scripta manent, they had better be something good, right? You, amazing girl, are on your way to become a very successful poet and writer.

    RANDOM(rose) UPDATE
    (another “accident”):

    “Marlene IS a writer…”!

    Remember me speaking “On behalf of this bunch of beautiful people clicking on your Like buttons…”? After having written here about you “on your way to become” (with which I am referring to your career, of course, not your art, your art is already perfect), I just bumped into the link description that your follower RandomRose has written for you! Have you hovered yet over “Marlene Gutschmidt” on her blogroll? Check out this present tense and never lose heart again, for we all recognize that “Marlene is a writer who knows the power of words and uses them beautifully.”

    Fly girl!

    “She knows things might not go her way, but she will not take the coulda shoulda woulda’s to the grave”.
    Both Lily and Leon are starring in this video, in our present roles! I keep pinching myself with all these messages the universe is hailing on us! Look at me there with my red pick-up truck and shirt! (I do not look “golden” at all like the guy on the small photographs on 00:08; I do look a lot [in an older, graying version] like the friendly guy who stops to help her out with the car engine!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaEq508FxWU Beyond synchronicity, isn’t it?

    * * *

    I really have to tell you that this reply of yours [April 20, 2014 at 2:07 am] under “Breaking” came to me just as I was about to lock myself away in a dungeon again, only this time with a Balrog to be guarding me for all eternity.
    The Balrogs are fictional (hm, I would rather say “just hidden away for a while”) beings in J. R. R. Tolkien’s universe, something like horned dragons, “tall and menacing with the ability to shroud themselves in fire, darkness, and shadow” (Wikipedia), once angelic beings who were corrupted and became very destructive. You have seen one yourself, if you have watched the Lord of the Rings movies, the one named Flame of Udûn fighting in the caves of Moria with the wizard Gandalf, climaxing in this amazing scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zH1zZ0Y_adw.

    In the next paragraph I am releasing some negative feelings about myself, and some anguish on your behalf. For the last time. Thanks to you, my most powerful self-healer and healer, I believe this is the last time I have felt like this. So do not get upset; we are very safe together and beyond.
    Here is some soothingly hopeful, lyrically swelling music for you to enjoy while you continue reading http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n88MReEC27k

    I cannot describe too strongly how much you help me keep my balance and my hope for life, Lily. I have been a mess, because this time I was certain this needy-for-human-contact-and-mutual-support me had managed to scare you away for good, leaving you even more broken, and I was not expecting to be saved ever again from my internal conflicts. Since I sent you my previous comment after two nights of insomnia again, I have been feeling terribly ashamed of myself, believing this was now the most embarrassingly too-much-of-everything comment, and I have been hating, accusing and bashing myself for having encouraged our connection. “You idiot, who do you think you are, interfering with people’s lives like this! These nice poems of hers remind you of your nightmares, huh? Great! That has honoured her creativity and her healing process very much! You are so helpless yourself, what makes you think you can ever help anyone else? And what does this ‘find the one who will love you’ encouragement mean anyway? First of all, whatever bond you feel with her, you are not her father, you are not her biological brother (though mind-bogglingly a Leo Sun and “Leon”!), no counselor or any sort of certified expert, not even a real-life friend of hers, so maybe this just makes you a totally irresponsible weirdo who should be arrested for psychological harassment. What makes you think she needs your guidance or protection at all? Maybe she even needs some dangerous experiences to learn from what she has to learn from before she finds the one person she can trust, which does not even have to be a guy, maybe she will find out she prefers girls (not everyone is traditional like yourself in these matters), or maybe she will decide to stay single, or even disappear in a monastery, like you yourself and Plutonia would have done if you had not found each other, remember? This world is too hard for people like us. Just because everyone (or almost everyone) has a heart and needs love, you are in no position to tell what’s in her or in anyone else’s life path. Maybe you should just rid the world of your stupidity, your lack of moderacy, your lack of discernment, and let this poor sister of yours make the most out of her life without your despair! Maybe no one can ever contribute anything of significance in a fellowship of lost souls, anyway. Why don’t you just leave at last your only computer to your more stable Plutonia who can raise some awareness among the Germans who have no idea how their hearts have been used as weapons of mass destruction! Do everyone this favor and stop this blogging fairytale with your stormy emotional oceans right now, before you hurt anyone else worse than you have ever been hurt yourself. Go back to your cave; be decent enough to despair on your own and die in there if you must. Do not ever dare drag a tender soul down with you!”

    Do you understand “life saver” now, Lily? That it is not metaphorical or a compliment at all? This is very deep psychological and spiritual work you have helped me with here. I was born with Neptune in my First House, the house of the self and personal identity, and I have always been feeling terribly vulnerable due to his (planets are gods) boundaries-dissolving influence. I have been feeling like hiding myself away most of my life, because my personal boundaries dissolve so easily when I move around people, and it happens with animals, too, something beyond rapport, a mutual soul understanding which can become a real threat for me when I encounter evil souls, or even too immature ones, but here is a very positive animal episode of mine I would like to share with you, so you can see what I mean. One night a few years ago, Plutonia and I were standing on our balcony talking, when suddenly we heard a cat meowing so softly and tenderly (we both adore cats, keepers of the Underworld as they are), that I immediately fetched a flashlight and we saw this cutest of cat-girl faces stretching from a wall that was a bit too far for her to jump into our balcony, but I tell you, she was so melodiously attracting my attention while staring at me, that Plutonia looked at her with a gaping mouth and said “Look at this! This feline girl is flirting with you! And she would jump straight in your arms right now if she could! Hey, kitty, take it easy; this cousin of yours is taken, alright?” An endearingly healthy dose of jealousy. Yes, cats are my cousins because I am a Lion Sun (amazing how Plutonia had this fantasy of cuddling with a real male lion ever since she was a small girl, and then she saw this boy in the university in the nineties with his almost shoulder-length mane, and I recognized so much in her, too, including this very dark cloud hanging over her beautiful head, following her around), but this is not my Sun, but my Neptune in my astrological First House doing this. Click the following link to understand a little more about why I am how I am, and I think you will recognize a lot of yourself here, too, again. Maybe because you have the same placement in your natal chart, which I cannot tell until you give me your exact time of birth, but please relax; I am not asking anything of you now or ever, just explaining why I cannot be specific about your personal challenges. And again, do not become upset about what you will read in this analysis; we are progressing just fine, already healing here. “Arrival of the Birds” is still playing in your sweet ears, right? Alright; read only “Neptune in the First House” http://depthastrology2.com/NEPTHOUS.html#NeptuneFirstHouse

    I am glad I managed to send you this on time for the Cardinal Grand Cross, for this is the perfect timing for a transformative opportunity. I did not have the time to work on my poem yet (I have created a powerful image and I do not think I can write the words to match, the energies are too many), but I told you that you are my first priority. Here is a short video that wonderfully sums up this very rare astronomical and astrological event. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3MBdjARnjo#t=47
    I read your “Change” in awe yesterday, because you captured this event more than you know! We are surfing on massive universal energies that are peaking exactly today! War, strife and evil illusions will also be escalating from now on, they will continue spraying our skies to be controlling us because some think we are little more than cattle or even just cockroaches, but we are here to help keep these heavenly gates of love and enlightenment open for everyone and with everyone who is like us. More and more sisters and brothers will be joining us. As polluted as our air may be, we are doing beautifully cleansing work here (for our lungs, too), so let us relax and breathe calmly and bathe in this fresh and fragrant, crystal-clear heart energy we are creating, which expands way beyond our personal spheres and brightens up the life of our whole planet and beyond. Unbelievably precious, golden moments which support us forever. Our lives are being immeasurably blessed today and for many incarnations to come.

    Lily, about this “your compliments stun me” phrase of yours, I must tell you that it is not my intention to be stunning you at all. It moves me more than you know to feel that I touch your heart, but do not ever forget that I am no better than you and not here to impress you at all. I only wrote about your “brilliantly intelligent mind”, again not a compliment, because since the beginning of this January when I showered you with likes (at first because your words reminded me so much of my younger, despondent self), what I have been feeling in you is not just your present stage of development, but your so stunning-to-me potential. I already admire you for who you are now, and I feel honored and blessed with your appreciation. I love words just as much as you do, I am fairly adept only with a lot of dictionaries and only because I have a lot of practice, because I have never studied or lived outside Greece. I am just as insecure about my words and my personal expression and sometimes afraid of my own shadow. You say you would suffer from a severe case of wordlessness? Oh, I mull over my answers more than you know! This is the only way I can be honoring you and anyone else. Agonizingly shy? You cannot imagine how awkward I am in real life. Whatever fragmented knowledge I have is only the result of a lifetime of confinement to four walls, trying to fit together the pieces of the purpose of our existence. I never had enough money to be buying books, and I wouldn’t know much without my wise Aquarian Plutonia and the Internet. But if we met in an airport, I would leave my nerdy suitcase of dictionaries aside, I would just look deep into your eyes unable to utter a word, and I would hold you in my arms for many long, comfortable moments, before you could listen to my voice. Our Plutonia would be standing in awe of this ancient connection between these weeping poetic souls, and then she would also embrace you with tears of gratitude in her eyes. Such an honor for me to be helping two Hades sisters connect! (Maybe you can help her a bit: just a few words of yours will do an unbelievable difference for her; I am explaining at the end). So there is nothing to be ashamed of about what is going on between the two of us here, Lily, but it does take so many agonizing years until we rise above our immaturities, and then the parasitic monsters cut us down again and again and again in every incarnation (remember Gregg’s “first hundred years”), so that we do not experience too much love which is toxic for them. And when you, beloved sister, tell me “I would much rather live as a target with the consequences of the truth, than in oblivion”, oh, how you make my heart melt with appreciation… Do you still remember my first comment, “Please do not misunderstand me if I seem to be coming on too strongly with my praise and encouragement here; I am just a Mediterranean, warm-hearted Leo”? Well, I could never have imagined just how much you would warm my heart and save me from despair, because yes, I was breaking. I am not simply offering you an optimistic insight into your future, sweet girl, I KNOW how you will warm the heart of this unknown brother of mine. You will find each other, do not worry.

    I’ll still be here, and not too still. No, no magma from me personally, but I loved your red dress and I was so thrilled by your expectancy, and then it started dawning on me like the friendliest of ancient Suns, that I am amazingly connected with this unknown brother of mine, too, that we are all aligning with each other! So I guess I am here to make sure that you become a powerful, unmistakable magnet for him. Please enjoy three magical minutes from him; his heart is already singing for you. He doesn’t sound very volcanic yet, which is perfect, because you will be unfolding together. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrQyPHzzfCA [And a word for you, too, my young brother, wherever you are. I know you in my heart. I already love you more than you can imagine, I honor and cherish your struggles and your challenges for they will help you understand and support your girl and make her soar as a goddess. I also know very well how this system brings up boys to become scummy men. So if you are not ready to give up family and friends IF you have to, if you actually keep Marlene waiting for you forever, if you do not honor and cherish her each and every moment of your life, and if it only crosses your mind to ever break a single hair of my youngest, most beloved sister’s, I am warning you, boy, mine is the spirit of the Warrior on all levels, for I have served in the Greek Green Berets and in the Special Forces of the Underworld, too: I can make you suffer for all eternity, and I will if you make me, at least until you realize the damage you have done and truly repent. So please shape up, be very responsible and deeply grateful for this treasure of a girl in your life, because above all else I need to lovingly embrace you. Check this out: http://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Girl-to-Fall-in-Love-with-You%5D
    And this one is for you, my sweet sister: http://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Guy-to-Fall-in-Love-With-You

    I have written all these words just for you, Lily. I have suffered a lot and cried and laughed and been relieved while doing it for days and nights on end. So I view them as a stage of our common healing path, which I feel might also benefit other people. Do I have your permission, please, to maybe use some paragraphs of this in future posts of mine, I mean only parts referring to me and Plutonia, not to you or our connection? This is not a meaningless polite question; I just need to make sure that you will not feel any less special to me if you see some of these sentences elsewhere.

    From now on I am healed enough to be able to write some much more relaxed “very nice poem thank you period”-type comments. Now you know so much about me, that even with a Like-Spark of mine, you will be feeling all of my support and encouragement for you to be moving forward in your terrific life.

    * * * * *
    About this small favor I wanted to ask you for my beloved Plutonia, your true soul sister.
    She has been immensely trusting and patient with me throughout these days despite our fierce encounters with the underworld. I cannot believe what a hero I am married to. We have no job, no life, no children, no neighbours, no friends, no pets, absolutely nothing except her enemies of parents and the peanuts they are throwing us, Lily. She only has me to be keeping her alive with my love, and I have neglected her so much with my commitment to your empowerment, not even sleeping or eating with her or eating at all, so that I would not be keeping you waiting, that today she exploded and threw a thunderstorm of accusations at me and threatened to threaten you and everyone else in their blogs so that I have no more connections to be suffering about. I cannot blame her the least bit, because she really has no clue of how to protect me and stay alive herself. She even threatened to leave me for these destructive, evil parents whom she has been denying visiting for twelve whole years now, which is also synonymous to death for both of us. I have triggered all sorts of traumas in her. She sees my body collapse again and she collapses herself, because she fears that this time I will die on her or get seriously sick and we have no money to go to any doctor or hospital and we are a dreadful mess, for which I know that there is no one is to blame, not me, not you, not our ancient connection, not this Grand Cross in the heavens or the eclipses of the Sun and the Moon near it.
    So I am not pushing you to do anything at all, my sweet Lily, please stay calm despite all the explosions in this battlefield.
    Here is something very nice I have to offer as a simple and wonderful opportunity to support this precious sister of yours, if you find it fitting. I am publishing this poem in a few days; I have it all ready, but I want you to have some time to absorb what I am offering here first without any pressure to read anything new from me. The title is Ode To The Divine Feminine. I know you can work wonders for Plutonia’s soul, too, with just a few magical words of yours in a comment there, and just for this one time. I am not prompting you the exact words, but it could be something in the spirit of “Plutonia, please love and trust and protect Leon forever. Guys like these are so hard to find” or something like that; you know better. I will be taking good care of her. Thank you to the heavens for everything.
    * * * * *

    I love you so much, Lily.

    Fly girl!

    Always here for you,

    Leon

    • Lieber Leon,

      I must admit when I first set my eyes on this large mass of words I was intimated. I can in all honesty say that I have never seen a comment nearly as extensive as this one. But I sat down and read it all the way through completely engrossed. Forgive me ahead of time if I don’t respond to all the details you describe, just recognize that every word you wrote was appreciated.

      With every comment I am astonished by how deep the roots of our psychological connection extend. The more you share the more perplex it seems that our souls found each other across the infinite space that separates us; whole continents and oceans of space, vast and soundless areas, and cities crammed with life and from the billions of souls wondering our planet we are able to seed out the ones who sway to the same language.

      I want so badly to wrap you in my arms right now in a scene identical to the one you described at the airport. Our words vibrating in soundless warmth all around us. Two poets standing in a shared light, for a moment, for one breathless second shielded from the darkness. You are friend. I believe I can now call you a friend (if of course you approve of this term) because it seems I know you better than people I see everyday; your words communicate so much more than a face, than a body. Appearances are so exhausting. Faces so deceiving. From the moment we step outside there are faces everywhere. Hundreds of them. And all we every see are their faces. It is so refreshing how we are words to one another; how it is words that define us, words that paint our existence.

      I want so badly to tell you that your suffering will have an end, but suffering is something I believe has no real end, only gaps, sometimes short, sometimes so long you forget about your suffering until it comes back to haunt you with the same endless dark anguish. Suffering is a part of us and we can never eliminate it although we seek to minimize it, stop it from consuming us entirely.

      Please eat. Please just eat. Why can’t we just eat? Why is it so hard? Because we feel like we are taking up too much room. Too much space. The world does not have a place for us. So we wish to fade. Into the beautiful wind. Into the beautiful Earth. The purple horizons and orange sunsets. The stormy grey oceans. Abandon our bodies that seem too heavy. And transform back into stardust. But in this process of fading, in this process of starving, we are destroying so much more than our bodies. We destroy our minds. Our friendships. Our families. We cause all the people who care about us to suffer along with us. To suffer more than us because their heart breaks every time we refuse to eat because for them it means that we are refusing the chance to live, to live with them. We cannot give up when we are loved because it means we are not just giving up on ourselves but them as well. And you are loved. Don’t give up on yourself or your wife. And don’t worry about me, I have been fighting on and on of for years now and I can stand by myself, though of course your advice is always welcome.

      All the music you sent me is beautiful. I especially appreciate the German and English music video with Nena and Kim Wilde and the related background information you gave me. I agree that our society is deeply contorted, able to poison something as pure as love for one another with stereotypes and crude judgments. All to often people see only with their eyes and forget to listen with their hearts.

      Please notify me when you have written your poem and I promise I will try my best to craft a worthy comment. You are of course welcome to utilize anything you wrote in your comment for posts on your blog; I promise I will only be a little offended. (;

      Danke Leon für diene Geschichten, diene Lieder, diene Worte. Und jetzt geh und kämpfe für dich und diene Frau, ihr habt es verdient.

      Lily

  2. Liebe Lily,
    If I approve of this term?
    Old English freond = “friend,” present participle of freogan = “to love, to favor,” from Proto-Germanic frijojanan = “to love”.
    Related to Old English freo = “free”.
    Friends are those people whose love for one another frees them! What more can we ask for?

    Thank you for using the gift of your words to show me your recognition of and appreciation for our connection, my one-in-a-billion friend.
    Two days ago, Cheryl posted a poem and her wonderful understanding of “soul mate agreement”, which I fully agree with, and which speaks pages about our type of connection and our having agreed to find one another again. Thank you so much, Lily, for refusing to “ignore that déjà vu feeling”, for not letting me be “feeling abandoned, unfulfilled and lonely” http://tropicalaffair.me/2014/04/27/somewhere-poetry/.

    I apologize for having created some unnecessarily mixed emotions in you, and for having subjected you to that voluntary obligation of commenting under my Ode (it is already published and awaits your pleasure; you do not have to comment at all), spoiling your joy for our connection to some degree. There was probably no need for me in the first place to invest such an intimidating amount of energy in showing you largely things you were already feeling, making everyone feel a little uncomfortable in the process, but I am so grateful you appreciated every word. Plutonia is feeling much, much better now. I am taking care of her and myself; I do eat, I do rest more, and as I told you, the last time I consistently denied food was three years ago; I do not intend to do this ever again, and you are a great help and inspiration for me.
    Please eat yourself strong and beautiful, Lily. I am so glad to hear that you can stand by yourself, really proud of you being a fighter, and very lucky to have you as my friend. Please do not ever feel alone; you yourself are much loved and will be unspeakably more loved. And because we all experience this existential aloneness which is not at all negative in itself, but we also relapse to self-defeating attitudes from time to time, may I suggest a nice and simple meditation I have been doing for years? I have not seen or read this anywhere, it is just an improvised routine of mine which I am putting down here for the first time, something which has been working for me and may help you, too, balance your spiritual energy and your physical chemistry. It cannot harm you in any way, that’s for sure; it is just a simple and completely safe process you may discover you will enjoy doing often. And it is not even something fixed; you can improvise yourself to suit your needs; I am only giving you an example here. Love is the key. Love is the prayer. This is basically what you need to keep in mind.

    So here is my all-weather meditation routine. It makes no difference where you are, what you are wearing, whether you are sitting, standing or lying. You only need to be on your own for a while; even a few moments can be life-changing if this is repeated regularly. As a small preparation, clear your thoughts and calmly follow your breath for a few seconds. Then place one hand on your heart and one on your stomach, love yourself deeply until you feel a little warmer, and pray for your Inner Goddess to bless and support you. If under your palms you feel your body as too fat or too skinny or too anything you cannot identify with, it’s perfectly OK; do not feel bad at all, just recognize and fully accept these sensations or judgments as an essential stage of your development without punishing yourself. Be firmly convinced that you will move on. When you start feeling that you do not need these judgements and expectations anymore, let them leave through the top of your head like wisps of black smoke and dissolve into the vastness of the universe, leaving you fresh and excited to remake yourself with new loving thoughts. Feel that you are already your strongest and most beautiful self, that your appetite comes more and more naturally and that you can calmly nurture your body now, to keep it in balance with your brilliant mind and radiant soul, because you really look forward to living a full, valuable life. Love yourself from your Goddess’s perspective as if you are the last person in the world who remembers the meaning of love, and feel how precious you are, because thanks to you, more and more people will be remembering what we are all here for. Now hug this lovable self of yours, caress your body while giving warm thanks to your Inner Goddess, and return to your daily life.

    After you have practiced enough to get the hang of it and feel stronger on you own, you can also imagine me working on my meditation on my diametrically opposite to yours spot on the globe, and then we have a unified heart field which is utilizing the energy of all these magmatic movements between us, two sparks working on two poles of the same planet-battery like a charger, benefiting and awakening everyone else who wants to raise these vibrations. I think this is the best spiritual use of our blogging platforms for as long as we have the Internet and beyond. If more and more people start silently cooperating with their hearts, we will be joyfully uplifting the whole planet-body of which we are cells, keeping Her vibrant and happy. Gaia in Greek mythology is the personification of the Earth; have you ever realized that Earth and Venus are the only females, the only Goddesses in our solar system? The other six (Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune) are male Gods. And it is common knowledge that if we take good care of the girls, the whole universe shines. What are we waiting for? All sorts of destroyers will continue implementing their evil plans, but we have our own work to do, we are divine beings and stubborn at that, right? We are not giving up. Thank you, Marlene, for being a magical expression of the Divine Feminine who has agreed to work with me; I am immensely honored and grateful for and to you.

    And I wanted to ask you if you would perhaps prefer me to always call you “Marlene”? I believe you were named after the World War II German song Lili Marleen (which had actually been written as a poem under the title “Das Lied eines jungen Soldaten auf der Wacht”), isn’t this so? These are two separate and very different names. I love the flower and the name “Lily” very much, as much as I love your lotus-flower avatar and embrace all your sensitivities and vulnerabilities, you know how deeply I relate, but I must friendly and humbly raise your attention to the fact that as a name it does sound almost too cute, that it conjures images of someone who is too fragile and submissive or even a victim, so you understand why I do not prefer it as a friend who wants you to be the master of your fate, as a friend who wants to be nurturing you with a stronger vibration. If you really want to be empowered in this world, the vibrations of your second small name are unbeatable. “Marlene” is a blend of “Maria” and “Magdalene”, Mary of Magdala being the most important female character in the New Testament after the mother of Jesus. But religion portrays her by far not as the powerful historical figure that she was; all sorts of distortions have gotten in the way of our understanding of her, because this patriarchal fairytale that we are living in, just hates real, feminine, strong women (and loves those conforming to male dominance who are only trying to prove they are better than men). Here is a just short article (you could do a little more research on your own) that may help you think and decide http://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/who-was-mary-magdalene-119565482/?no-ist Ich würde also sagen, “Marlene” muss dein einziger Rufname sein, but then again I am a male, and I cannot perceive all the subtleties of the female mind and psyche; you might want, for example, to be keeping a low profile with the quieter vibrations of “Lily”, so as to be able to surprise and put off annoying people with your secret “Marlene” vibration. This is not a cheap trick in itself; you women are such wonderful beings partly because you have secret weapons. So, I am not the one to ever tell you what you should choose, I am only offering everything I can for your empowerment, always respecting and admiring any choice of yours; this is what true friends are for.

    I am temporarily leaving you with a wonderful newsletter on Poetry as Transformation, since it is through poetry that we have found each other again in this lifetime http://lindagraham-mft.net/newsletters-and-quotes/newsletters/newsletter-february-2010/

    Be well and never fade, my dear Marlene.
    Darkness is only as the absence of light.
    And we are Light.
    Leon

    • Liebe Leon,
      I am so grateful to be calling you a friend; a friend of poetry! a friend of words! a friend of light and darkness! Friends are golden. But what is freedom truly? Have you ever been free?
      I read Cheryl’s poem and was deeply moved. Somewhere in between heaven and hell…somewhere between dark and light…somewhere we meet. It portrays the connection between soul mates with such wonderful accuracy.
      Don’t blame yourself for your emotions or any of your words; it is hard to find that kind of truth anywhere in the day-to-day world. And sometimes it is good to feel a little uncomfortable, for candid honesty can have that effect on people, you can tell its real when there is a noticeable intensity in the air.
      Still, I thank you for keeping this comment positive and full of light.
      Mediation has always been an unattainable allure to me. I will imagine myself meditating, today, I will instruct myself, today I will meditate, with every breath I will enlighten myself from the dark swirling mass of thoughts that swarm my mind. But I am too anxious; I start worrying, mulling over the millions of other things that I could be getting done. What time do you usually meditate? Does it make a difference if you mediate in the mornings or before going to bed? The peaceful images you conjure of accepting judgements as a transition before seeping them from your mind seem beautiful in both idea and practice. I am envious of your ability to breath. A few moments or even a few seconds without worry seems near impossible for me. I always find things to worry. I worry about time. There never seems to be enough of it.
      When or if I manage to mediate, mediate with every fiber of my being, my soul and mind completely centered, I will tell you. But meditation is somewhat of a skill. It has to be practiced. Learned diligently. And my days always seem crammed even if they are empty. How often should one mediate to experience a chemical shift?
      I appreciate you taking an interest in my name; my parents did call me after the World War II German song. I am Lily to closer friends and family and Marlene to acquaintances. I never saw my names as carrying such different identities, I like the way you describe the inner strength of Marlene behind the fragile Lily, perhaps I should devote more thought into which I prefer. But in many cases a name is only a name, a shield, an accessory that fades as the person behind the name becomes less elusive. Is a name really so telling of a person? After all it is something our parents gave us even before they knew us. But it is also something we leave behind. The past is full of names.
      Thank you for sharing the poetry newsletter. The quotes are inspiring.
      Bleib stark und voll mit warme hoffnung,
      Lily

      • Lily, I am so grateful for your reply here and never forgetting you! Throughout this past week of hellish attacks from many directions against us, your friendship has been sustaining me and I have been pondering your questions. Thank you for publishing the lovely Ballerinas today. Do not despair, precious one; we will rise up. Until I get back to you, warm light to hug you and strengthen you from across the pond, Leon

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